My most spoken prayer is me saying, sometimes shouting, “I need help”. God/Universe/Spirit likes to speak to me in movie clips (s/he is very relatable and personal that way) so I am often reminded of the movie 28 Days and the scene where Sandra Bullock’s character has finished her stint at rehab. She’s out wandering and sees the horse cop in an alley. As she attempts to squeeze the horse’s tendon to get him to lift his leg (a technique she learned to help match how one feels on the inside to their outside) and gets nowhere, she looks up to the sky and shouts, “I just need help!” She then tries again and succeeds.
We are not always given help the way we want the help, but when we ask – even when there is no one to visibly ask- we can rest assured that we are heard and will be helped. So, for my people who don’t have any people yet; I feel you. My heart goes out to you. I’ve been where you are now. I still have very few people in my life. But, whenever I truly needed someone, even when I didn’t know it, someone came to help. Sometimes we feel we need someone, and Spirit will say differently. It is in those moments when despair attempts to take over. Do your best to not let it. Too often my internal feelings do not reflect the scenarios and experiences sent my way. I am still attempting to figure out why this is. But I have an inkling that it has something to do with the fact that either my human is not capable of some godly ways of doing things or is not quite ready for those that it is capable of doing. It could also be a combination of both.
Please, please, please do not confuse the person who shows up for a relationship type person. I found, on the rare occasion I allowed someone to try for that position in my life, they were a lesson coming back around testing me to see if I had truly learned and was ready to move on. A new “relationship” will not fix you. You fix yourself in the solitude when you are ready to face yourself. When it is time for a new relationship, I believe it has the potential to aide your growth and healing, but I believe work must be done on your own before that can happen.
Write out any fears you may be feeling about sharing your story?
Now write out the truths that put those fears in their place.
Your passion will often be the medium used to share your story with others.
Perhaps now is the perfect time to start an Implementation Inventory. Reflection is often needed to see how far we’ve come, but it is also a great tool to show us what is working for us and what isn’t.
What tools and techniques have you implemented so far?
Which of those that you have implemented are working for you?
Remember, struggle does not always mean it’s not working. It took me a while, but I finally figured out that the reason some things were so difficult for me to do was because I had foundational belief that it was unsafe to learn new things. One of the many lies I was conditioned to live out.
Which do you believe should wait until you are further in your healing to implement?
Meditation was one of those tools that I kept getting told in the spirit I needed to start doing. It was also one of those things that I simply couldn’t stick with. So, I did my best to not put pressure on myself for not doing it, but also to listen to that still small voice when it spoke up.
It is ok to not do everything in the Now. It’s ok to move forward slowly and need practice when learning new things. It is also perfectly acceptable to do things when it is brought to your attention randomly instead of having a set schedule for everything. Letting go of perfectionism has been another big lesson for me. Perfectionism is slow suicide of the self. It does nothing but harm you. Progress is a much better goal to have. Learning to listen to your body and to Spirit will need more of a progress mindset than a perfection mindset. And it is the progress mindset that helps one to live in the flow as change is the only constant in life.
Set a date(s) in your calendar to review what was implemented, what works, and what doesn’t. Make a habit of this (if you can). Your schedule and timeline will be different than anyone else’s. You are supposed to function this way.
You are amazing! Keep going!