Love yourself into change and you will Become the Legend.

I have learned that when we don’t feel worthy or loved on the inside, we tend to destroy things in our lives. Some, destroy inward (I am in this category) others destroy outward. The way I destroy myself most often, is by not listening to my intuition. Instead, I will do and try everything else accept what my intuition is telling me to do. It isn’t until I’ve exhausted all other options, and God/the Universe/Spirit has “taken me out” (usually with illness) multiple times before I finally try the thing my intuition has been telling me to do. Sometimes this journey has taken years, now it can take weeks or still even months. I am learning very slowly to trust myself and my intuition. The first step I had to take in order to trust myself was to ask why I didn’t want to listen. What was the feeling that came with the intuitive guidance? Most often, the feeling was and is fear of judgment from others. After answering the why and the feeling I could then speak positively to myself to neutralize the fear. To remind myself of the truth. For example, if I’m feeling afraid of being judged by others for doing something that will most likely benefit me, I remind myself: the thoughts of other people are not my concern, I am free of judgment, my choices do not need an explanation, my focus is on myself, etc. This exercise does not take away the fear of following my intuition, but it does lessen it enough for me to do what I have guided myself to do (sometimes). Remember, fear does not simply vanish. We grow by acting despite the fear we feel. And every time we act positively despite the fear, its power over us decreases, and our confidence in ourselves increases. Also, just because this tool works for me doesn’t mean it will work for you. Knowing how you operate is a huge help here. I am a very creative person and I do my best communicating through the written word. This makes guided visualization techniques more difficult for me. My thoughts come through as words, tidbits of wisdom here and there. Very rarely do I get a picture of something in my head, but when I do it takes much longer for me to get the whole concept out than it does for me to write things out.

Are you the type of person that destroys yourself or destroys the people or things around you? List some tools you can try in those moments you become destructive. Then make note of the ones that work best for you.

Love is the answer. No matter the problem. Shame and guilt only lead to more pain. More masking (inauthenticity). More shame. And more guilt. Where you are right Now might not be what is best for you. It might even be deserving of hell in someone else’s eyes. I am here to tell you that where you are right now is ok. There is no need for shame for where you are right now. This does not mean that wherever you are in the Now is the best and healthiest place for you. It simply means that the Now is accepted for what it is. It is where you need to be in this Now so you can get to the next Now. And the best way to get to the next Now, the better healthier Now is to accept with love where you are.

Do your best to reframe your thinking of the Now you are currently in – we all feel shame for the darkest parts of our lives until we heal them. Try thinking of it as we are constantly moving from one heaven to another. When we realize our current Now no longer feels like heaven it is simply time to move on. Feel whatever you need to – pain, loss, love, anger – but do your utmost to not beat yourself up. You are where you are. Where you are is where you needed to be. Now it’s time to move on. Then, do what is needed to feel like you are in heaven again.

Remember, this like everything else will take time and the learning is done in every step you make and every step you take. Loving yourself into change will not always feel warm and fuzzy. Sometimes it is simply keeping yourself alive. The goal here is not to suffocate yourself in comfortability, it is to become wiser and healthier. Therefore, each time it is time to move on, hopefully you will be moving on to something healthier and more of a blessing not to the same painful lesson in a different form.

Once upon a time, my heaven was found in a narcissistic sociopath. When I realized the illusion of that heaven and was able to move on, my heaven was a cold basement bedroom, solitude, movies, Marlboro Mediums, and Hill’s Bros English Toffee cappuccino. When I realized the illusion of that heaven, this time being pushed, forced out before I felt ready to move on, my next heaven was the local domestic violence shelter, the heaven after that was our own home – purchased not rented. Every step had lessons. Every lesson was filled with an erratic array of every single emotion. And I had to go to war in many of those steps. But what I learned was that fighting for myself, for the love I deserved, for the safe space I deserved, was a type of heaven also. I was never taught those things growing up.

Right now, my heaven is being surrounded by peace and calmness. I had to make some very difficult choices to get here. They included quitting my job, pulling the kids from public school, and re-homing our two extremely loved dogs. It took me 4 ½ years in our safe space of a home fighting for peace and calm for me to see that the choices I had been making were not compatible with the heaven I needed. It took a lot of self-talk, and some encouragement from the very few people in my life that the choices I wanted to make were ok to make, to forget about what anyone else thought. And I am sure that when I figure out how to be in this heaven is exactly when it will be time to move on to the next. Because life truly is a journey. And the purpose for each heaven and each lesson is to teach us to love ourselves. To believe in ourselves. To be an example of love for others.

What are some choices you are struggling to make in the Now? Will they make your current Now better? What is stopping you from moving forward?

If there are no outside circumstances stopping you from following through on the choices you need to make, do you have a trustworthy someone you can talk through your fears with?   

YES   NO

If the answer is yes, get a hold of them and schedule some time to talk things over. If the answer is no, I understand your dilemma. There are going to be times in each of our journey’s where we must rely completely on ourselves. I truly understand how difficult this time is for you, and I sympathize with you. But you still have a choice. Stay where you are, or plant your feet, dig in, and do the necessary work to believe in yourself enough to have faith in your decisions.