Is there anyone else out there who finds it an absolute struggle to enjoy things they like without tearing themselves down for enjoying it?
This has been a battle for me for some time now and I have learned that my mind truly is my greatest adversary or ally. How I choose to let my thoughts flow is what determines if I help or hinder my growth. After 30+ years of my interests and likes being negated by those I loved, even now that I have removed them, I am doing to myself what they always did – chastise me for taking a moment to enjoy something, anything – and I have enough experience to know that stress does damage the body. But although stress may be a result of outside circumstances it is our thoughts about those circumstances that determine whether we are stressed or not. Yet, no matter how many motivational speakers, books, or scientific studies state our thoughts create our reality it still seems extremely similar to the proverbial question of ‘what came first, the chicken or the egg?’.
How does one change their thoughts when their thoughts are based on how they feel and what they see? Or is that just another illusion we have been conditioned to believe? Either way, I am having a difficult time of changing my thoughts because how I feel and what I see does not line up with the thoughts I am focusing on. Does my mind actually have to be a battlefield? How can I isolate in order to unlearn and retrain my brain in this society? If humans are created for relationship is isolating to figure this out good or bad for me? Is there any information out there that is an absolute truth for every single person on this planet?
I simply want to know how to enjoy things in, and ultimately my entire life without negating the experience or beating myself up because I am present in the moment without regard for what may come of it. The more I learn about myself and how my past experiences have shaped me the more it seems I am not meant to function in this world. I am attempting to do my best with every opportunity that is presented to me, but it never feels like I am doing enough or the right thing, and it becomes disheartening to continue along this path. Why is it so hard to enjoy something?!
I know the answer to that question. My book Drowning in Hope gives a tiny bit of insight into my dilemma. But that isn’t the root question, is it? The root question is why am I having such a hard time changing my mindset? Is there an obstacle I am not seeing, preventing me from moving forward? Is there a solution I am not aware of yet that holds all the answers to my problem?
How do I release the negative hooks from my positive experiences? It would be absolute heaven to be able to enjoy something, anything, without a negative outcome attached to the moment.
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