When faced with a problem, and a solution presents itself, what is the point if the solution that was thought of cannot be executed? Am I supposed to fight for the solution? Or continue to accept a different, more accessible solution? Am I supposed to fight for my solution less? Or is the point to discern when to fight and when to let go? Is there even a point? It becomes disheartening to feel like I have to accept less. Perhaps, it is simply meant to be humbling – to remind me that I won’t always have the answers.
Growing in character and love could be compared to growing your hair back out after you’ve cut it really short.
The process takes longer than you want it to. You have to suffer through uneven hair lengths, nothing looking good no matter how you try to style it, maybe even having to hide it under a hat for a while, all while having a picture in your head of what it will look like when it reaches the desired length and how good you’ll feel being able to wear the style you love.
And then, after more time has passed than you would like but not enough to be at your desired result, you find a style that you don’t necessarily like but feel comfortable enough wearing until it gets longer. Then, you repeat the whole process as it continues to grow.
Except all the steps and struggles are in your head and your heart. For the most part you see absolutely no progress. Others will though. And if you can have at least one encouraging, loving person in your life to help you with this then you have a huge blessing. Progress can be made without an ally; it will simply demand more from you. And usually, when we have no one to rely on its because we never had to fully rely on ourselves before, and it is time to learn that lesson.
Believing in and loving the self is the foundation of everything you hope to be.
We all have something to recover from. Some of us from toxic relationships with people, and some of us with substances. Some of us with both. Each person’s journey to hell is different. And each person’s journey from hell will be different. Just as each person’s heaven will be unique. It is not our job to condemn nor judge how other people journey and learn. Our focus needs to be our journey and our own lessons, free from condemnation and judgment, only looking outward to help others when we are able.
Love forgives. Love also allows you to learn from your choices.
How are you doing with the everyday lessons of your life?
I believe the majority of those who end up in abusive relationships (with a person, substance, or activity) are absolute warriors who were made to believe everything about themselves was wrong during childhood.
If you have a chronic history of being mistreated and can’t figure out why, perhaps it is time to pay attention to HOW people tend to mistreat you. It will take some time and contemplation to find the pattern or root of the mistreatment, but it should give you a clue as to how or where you need to love yourself better. For example, I have a chronic history of people not listening to me or letting me speak. After some digging, I realized that I don’t listen to myself, my intuition. If I’m not willing to listen to myself why would other people? I also tend to not speak up for myself when the relationship becomes unbalanced. I stopped speaking up for myself because no one listened, or the repercussions seemed too extreme for speaking up to be necessary. It became easier to go along to get along. I believe this is also because I was unable to listen to myself. It has been a long road of relearning how to listen myself and I still struggle with speaking up for myself when things our out balance. But that’s life – lesson after lesson, choice after choice – it’s up to each one of us to make our choices and learn our lessons.
List the most common ways people, or yourself, mistreat you. Does this mistreatment come from a certain type of person (male, female, authority figure, significant other, parent, etc.)?
Now, take some time to see if you can find the pattern or root cause. How do you treat/ think about yourself in this area of your life?
What are some simple steps you can take to improve your love of self in this area?