Part of each of our journeys is figuring out the why behind our beliefs. I always found this extremely difficult to do in the church system. Although we were constantly told to know why we believed I never really had an answer to why, other than that was what I was taught to believe; even though I had had some experiences that could only be explained by: it must’ve been a God thing. I didn’t have any knowledge outside the church. Also, I was forbidden to learn about other things that went against the church’s beliefs. Due to the circumstances of my childhood, I wasn’t aware of the issue with this. How could I make an educated decision if I only had one example of how things work? I mean, even in language arts class we are taught to have at least three sources when writing a paper; especially an argumentative essay. So that is what I finally did. I stepped outside the church – with God’s leading. I wasn’t fully ready to believe in God in any other way yet, but “he” was ready to lead me somewhere else. So, I followed. . .hesitantly, but obediently.
If you’re not willing to listen to anything or anyone who challenges your beliefs, do you really have faith?
I was always more open-minded than my mother, and even though I believed Jesus was the only way, I never believed I had the right to shove my beliefs in anyone’s face. I believed everyone had the right to make the choice of believing or not believing – as in my adolescent years I thought those were the only two options. I absolutely hated seeing people yelling and screaming bible verses, shouting “God hates ______”, etc. None of that felt right to me. But I also didn’t have the ability to go too far outside of what my mother deemed right for me. This led to me believing that a lot of things about me were wrong. And I tried my absolute best to remain who I was and be who she wanted me to be. This was impossible though, because I was never able to really learn who I was. I was told who I was from the second I was born. And most of what I was told I was, was not who I was created to be.
Most journals ask you to look back on things, to reflect on feelings and situations to encourage you to find the lesson or the meaning you may not have seen in the midst of living it. I find this technique frustrating and impossible at times. I do much better when things flow naturally, however inconvenient it can be, but sometimes it simply isn’t the right time to delve into a certain part of our past. I used to condemn myself for not being able to reflect and have an answer for these “get to know you” questions and activities. But, learning how I work naturally has helped me, not only to accept myself better but to quit condemning myself when something doesn’t work for me. The reflection technique must work for many people since it is the most common. Or perhaps the majority struggle with it like I do but feel at a loss because there aren’t any other options out there. But, if there are a plethora of personality tests out there, there should also be a plethora of “get to know you” and reflecting techniques available, right? So instead of forcing a reflection upon yourself I encourage, nay, dare you to go on a personality testing spree. Here is a list of my suggestions:
- Meyers-Briggs
- Enneagram
- S.T.A.R
- Dharma Archetype Quiz
- mybodygraph.com
- loveyourhumandesign.com
- genekeys.com
My favorite and the most in-depth game changer for me was the Body Graph. If you choose to focus on this one be prepared to get lost and overwhelmed with information. And then of course, understanding your astrological sign can be quite helpful as well. Remember to take your time and let the puzzle pieces come to you.
Taking account of the list of the things you like and enjoy, what kind of person do you want to be? Can you be that kind of person and still have those things in your life?